the job hunt...

so jobs are bloody difficult to come by, i wnt to go futher but christ its hard when all the companies are firing their staff, god knows they dont want to hire someone young and inexperienced, they would rather keep stuff old useless gits around quite content to coast along doing the bare minimum.

supernatural is good but i may sleep with the lights on for the next week or so...

I like making plans i just never seem to follow them

I don't get why things hurt more when your cold, stacking stuff in a chiller yesterday and the slightest knock felt like a gunshot wound, maybe its just me but i really don't like the cold. One think i like about stacking chillers is its kind of humbling, reminds me how much better than that i am, it kind of gives me a little motivation to actually do something with my life, but maybe not enough motivation, i don't want to spend my life in a supermarket, retail really isn't for me, but at the same time i would kind of like a job to drop in my lap, and preferably with a company car and at least a £20k wage, i don't know really how to get from here too there though, i have loads of great ideas in my head, things i want to do, things to achieve, i feel kind of haunted at night sometimes with that cliche that old people say when they look back and regret all the things they wish they had done but didn't, wish they still had the energy, the health or the means, i feel kind of guilty, like i have what they desire and i squander it without even realising it.

Does it make me worse that i actually have some potential and waste it than these people who are wholly useless? My Region was officially announced as the worst place in the UK for unemployment today, 1 in 9 people are without a job, that's stupidly high and i want to blame the people solely for that, but i think there's more too it than simply an apathy for working, there aren't enough decent jobs available, there's no upwards flow, bottom rung workers with potential are sat on that bottom rung because there is no way for them to move upwards, that means the unemployed cant even get the most menial of jobs, people are scared into staying where they are because there is so little available out there.

I work, and i work hard at what i do, not for my employer, for me, i know lots of other people are quite happy to do the bare minimum and just coast along but that seems so pathetic, so lazy, I've always been taught that when i do something i do it right, unfortunately it seems to take me an age to get up the motivation to do something.

I don't think i live properly, i get to people watch a lot in my job, and i maybe get to see a bit more of peoples lives than others would, i can be quite opinionated person, i tend to look down on some people as inferior when i have no right to, its not intentional it just happens, i look down on these people that don't have the same work ethic as i do, if they are unemployed, dressed in a track suit, dirty, loud, vulgar, non-intellectual or have a poor vocabulary or general grasp of basic maths, i tend to judge them as the lowest of low, or at least a great distance below me, and i wonder why these people even bother - even bother getting up in the morning, attempting to get dressed and leave the house, let alone smile and look happy, and i notice that these people have friends, random people walk past them and they know them, the chances of me bumping into someone i know in the street are so phenomenally low i can count on one hand the times its happened this year, i don't really have and friends, i mean i have work friends, that is people i work with, but outside of work i don't socialise anymore with them than the occasional Like on Facebook or maybe sending them a link to some funny video if Im feeling really social, my only real friend *SOPPY SPOILER ALERT* and i mean this in a completely notsoftlookingforattentionawwwthatssosweet kind of way, is my girlfriend, if I'm going to the cinema, its with her, dinner? its with her, shopping, its with her, visiting places, people, anything, and its with her, and i love that i can be such good friends with the person i love without us driving each other mad, but at the same time i feel I'm really missing something, i go back in my head to that scruffy, idiot, greeting his friend with expletives and i feel confusion, maybe that life is who you share it with not what you do hippy crap that i shoot down so quickly is right? because for all this person has had by all accounts a shit set of circumstances and smells like a brewery at 11:47 in the morning, hes going to be missed by a lot more people than i will be.

my head bounces around all over the place, so much nonsensical word-barf makes its way out of me on a daily basis I'm surprised i get anything done, in a way its why I've started this blog, to try get it down on paper and maybe discover some hidden purpose and meaning like so many others before me that of course FAIL

i must also say i don't expect anyone to read what is basically the raw feed from my brain at any one time, and indeed if you've made it this far i think i may judge you for it.

Does everyone else find it so hard to fill in the about me section, what about me? what do i put that impresses the girls, intimidates the guys bigger than me while at the same time earning their respect, placates my granny, is neither too homosexual nor too homophobic, isn't too long but still says something meaningful without been the guy who puts Chinese proverbs in too add depth to an otherwise lacklustre life. every time i start it sounds like I'm either writing an online dating piece, or writing my CV. 

This may take some time...